Don't Bust The Windows Out the Car...

Awesome sermon ladies...nothing else left to say!!!! 

Why Black Women Cheat?

FROM the boardroom to the bedroom, Black women are breaking free of traditional roles and embracing a newfound independence that makes no apologies for seeking fulfillment outside of a relationship. In a realm once dominated by men, more women are testing the limits of their relationships in search of something better, or in some cases, simply something different. Yet, the female sexual revolution is not without consequences; and Brothers in particular are not always so forgiving.

Kristopher Levy, a single, 30-year-old sales representative in Chicago, admits that every man has an "ideal" woman in mind when dating. As we choose a mate, we rate them against our checklist," Levy says. "Faithfulness is always pretty high on the list; it is also non-negotiable.

"While many men readily admit that they have been unfaithful at some point, accepting that betrayal from a woman is often a burdensome, if not insurmountable, task. "Men are raised to be casual about sex, while women are raised to be chaste," says Nicol, a recent MBA graduate who is a marketing manager. "Thus, the issue is not one of infidelity, but of social acceptance. If you are a woman sleeping with another man, not only are you cheating, but you are considered less honorable."

Denene Millner, author of The Sistah's Rules: Secrets for Meeting, Getting, and Keeping a Good Black Man, and co-author (with husband Nick Charles) of Love Don't Live Here Anymore and What Brothers Think, What Sistahs Know, agrees that there is disparity between how the sexes are reared. "Women are conditioned from birth to think that it is our role to make the relationship work," Millner says. "Men have been conditioned to play the field and enjoy a variety of women before settling down. Women, on the other hand, are expected to repress their sexual desires in the name of love. Those who refuse to repress their sexuality are labeled as "`fast'" or "`loose.'"

But fewer inhibitions and greater financial and social independence are shifting the balance of power in relationships and prompting women to define what makes them happy. Julia A. Boyd, a relationship expert and author of In the Company of My Sisters: Black Women and Self-Esteem and Embracing the Fire: Sisters Talk About Sex and Relationahips, believes that Black women are not more prone to cheating, but rather are recognizing and exploring their options. "Women are realizing that they do not have to suffer through not getting their needs met," Boyd says. "Normally, women don't cheat for cheating's sake, but rather in response to an emotional need that has not been met."

Nicol sought fulfillment outside of her relationship after growing apart from her ex-boyfriend, who she learned had cheated on her. "I eventually forgave him and remained in the relationship, but it was never the same. Had he learned about my cheating, he would never have forgiven me," she believes. "Men feel a sense of ownership when it comes to their woman's body, and they cannot handle their woman giving away what they think belongs to them," says Denise Cobb, a 40-year-old executive who is certain that her ex-partner would have left her had he learned of her indiscretions. "I felt emotionally neglected and taken for granted, and needed someone who appreciated what I had to give."

But bridging the divide seems difficult in light of recent studies indicating that more Black women are choosing to postpone marriage to further their careers, while some are opting not to marry at all. In a U.S. Census Bureau report, only 61 percent of Black women between the ages of 30 and 34 had ever married, compared to 85 percent of White women. Rates for younger Black women were even lower, with a discouraging 45 percent of women between 25 and 29 ever married, versus 73 percenet of White women in the same age bracket. Future estimates predicted a higher divorce rate and lower remarriage rate for Black women, compared to both White and Hispanic women.

Yet, despite discouraging statistics, some Brothers remain optimistic. "There are a lot of obstacles that have been thrown at the Black family, beginning with the physical dismantling of families during slavery," cites Craig Harris, a 36-year-old actor and model. "But we managed to overcome that and we'll overcome this."

In another situation, Harry says he learned to forgive his partner who cheated on him. "With men, I think the key word is loyalty. Men reward loyalty and we would prefer that whoever we are involved with remain loyal to us. We are very critical of those who betray us," he says.

Mike Truitt, an economist and Ph.D. candidate, reveals that he felt violated after learning his ex-girlfriend had been unfaithful. "Looking back, I realize my role in what she did," he admits. "But you could do everything right and your woman could still cheat on you."

Denene Millner agrees that his cheating or her cheating is not always something a man can control, if at all. "I've seen a lot of Sisters who say the same thing that men do: "`I cheat because I want variety.'"

Ross Williams, a credit manager and recent divorce, admits that he could never look at his ex-partner in the same way after she cheated on him. "I always envisioned her with the other man and wondered if she would do it again," he admits. "I love women, but I do realize that there are some dishonest ones out there."

Look Into A Man's Thoughts...Watch and Listen!!

Many single women complain that there are no available men. When, in reality there are plenty of available men that women pass by in their pursuit of thugs. Some of you just need to lower your unrealistic standards a little bit.

On the other hand, some of you should elevate your standards drastically. It’s a shame that there women out here fighting other women for a no good dog who doesn’t want either one of them. The devil sure is busy in our community.